The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
My penis needs a shock collar
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
