Yo dont text me then not text me
P.S. I can't hear my feet
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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