I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
