If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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