i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I smell like Dick and happiness
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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