she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
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