Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
