I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
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