my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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