just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
