just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Randomize
