It's like a parade of train wrecks.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
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