I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
