wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
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