I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize
