Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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