pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
