I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
