Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
