My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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