I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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