i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
