I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
