he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
