So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
