weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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