chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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