Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
