what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
