i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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