so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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