I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
