I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Of course I have a pirate flag
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
