What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Randomize
