I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.