So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
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All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
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Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.