FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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