What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence