In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
25 People Reveal The Creepiest Kids They Went to School With
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
17 Subtle Body Language Signs That Reveal A Lot About Someone
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.