cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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