is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.