You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
