I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
