stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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