i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
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