I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
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