God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Randomize
