someone get that fucking seahorse.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
