Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
