dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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