so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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