This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
that may or may not have been my penis.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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