The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
