if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Text me some of your sweat
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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