....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
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