i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
