You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
