Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
should my penis look like a turkey
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
