I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
So many bounce houses so little time
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
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