do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
