i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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