Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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