God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
