so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
