A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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