So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
