Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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