People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
