i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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