Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
