he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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